I & Jude, one in the same on levels that go un-named.

I'm a little upset.I don't like being upset. People don't usually see me upset.Ever.Which kind-of sucks, because one part of me is screaming! "Take the mask off!"(I can get ugly when the mask is off.)The other part says with comfort. "It's alright child, with quiet words I'll lead you."(Submissive humility, again?)I would lie to you if I said it has not been stressful lately. I feel like I'm being battered unmercifully. "It's O.K. we love you oh dear Daniel…BUT!"You're not this, you're not that.Can you do this? Can you do that?You're too this, you're too that.You're too picky. You're too proud.You're a slob. You've got it all wrong.When will you be perfect oh dear Daniel?Lost. Cause.Cage match, me vs. the world.Lazy? Yeah.Laugh. I will not stop however, count that a common misconception.I am determined I will get back into school. I want so badly to be a youth minister.I wish the leaders in my life would help me spiritually. I said that.Because, I want that. I don't need to know the secrets of life. I don't need to know the in/outs of be acceptable. I need to worship more effectively. Pray with me, voluntarily.I'm looking into your spirit like a puppy watching beef jerky. Mouth watering with possibilities of what I could consume.What I could gain from your wisdom, experience and guidance.All, yet yielding to that of Christ.I need to know Jesus more.Convict me! Challenge me!Help me! I'm screaming!A simple phone call would be nice. Really, would go a long way, considering whom would call would also play into the whole 'effect' Walk with love? All subjective. What's your perception of walking with love?What really gets through to people? What is effective in showing "love?" Yeah, it's safe to say I'm changing my life.3 jobs is a considerable change for anyone's life.But, I'm not good enough for any of them.I'm getting so attacked for not sleeping enough, like I do it on purpose.I can't force sleep myself. Trust me I've tried. I love my jobs. I love that accomplished feeling when you're done off work.Love that. "I did something today."It's not even the money. I HATE MONEY. Really, I hate the fact that you have to have money to think about being successful in America. I mean really. If you're not making 30,000 a year.You're scratching the surface.Check your pockets!Do you have money it them?If you do, you have more money than MOST THE WORLD!And yet, ironically we need it the least.I hate money.I wish money did not exist.That would be awesome.People would utterly live their lives in complete benevolence.Give with no return.Bartering would not exist. However, on dat flip side. Money is nice, because I do 'need' it.Sometimes I do like having the ability to go get a nice shirt, starbucks or a sub.So I've got this currency complex developed and it's quite the debacle.Ohhhhhh alrighty then.Now that is all said and over with. I'm glad I got to vent.Expunge my bitterness.I feel better, kind-of.I wish I could articulate my expression in an example more effective than a blog.But, courage I lack.So, I suffice.At the end of the day I'm not worthy for anything.Jesus, so amazing. I love Him.That's core issue.I hope you can tell by my life.