Oh, God.

Do you ever hear people say heavy things lightly?Like "I'm serious about getting into my faith again."I'll be honest. Who hasen't been there? Who does not have mountains, and valleys? Ups, downs? Highs, lows?But, I've noticed... people(i=people) will go through the ups and downs. They'll go on a mission trip, then come back, chill out, settle "down."Then, the next up they reach wont be quite as 'high' as the previous. So, in turn, that becomes the standard. Not reaching the 'high' before.A process in digression.Again, a youth rally, a "good speaker", (how do you define good speaker anyway?) Brings you back into this reality check, you go up. Again, then, you'll go down. As does the standard. So, it seems that your never going to be as high as you once was. You won't be as holy, or as faithful, or as potent as you could be.You go UP. Then down, then back up, but, not as high.Not, uncommon ... typical american cultured judeo-christian faith.exspically in the south."I need to be back active in chruch.""I got to pray more.""I got to quit....____ (fill in the blank with your list of habits)This topic, this blog, is for me. I, Dan, am the full attention for this topic.My church split back at home. I miss a lot of people there terribly bad. I don't often express emotions so, likly, people are oblivious to my torn heart. My long-time friend and youth minister left for another job.All this through a internship in Nashville that had it's own stresses and responisbilties.My friends lack the unity in strong faith.I'm now with no church in Bowling Green. The only thing I've held to is two, campus ministies that aren't providing what I need. My faith is complicated, my faith is intellegent, my faith is hungary to advance. I'll worship longer than 3 songs. I've not got a postition where I could give back. I'm, here, dangling only being baby fed. Why would I punish my relationship with God for all this?How could I moslest the beauty and majesty we had?Punish is not the right word. I'm not sure what it is. But, I can't place all this issues are the core issue. I can say they're factors. They had influcence. Or they are issues that disabled influence....Who am I?I certainly don't think I'm going through some tramatic identity crisis. But, I do have some heavy issues on my plate right now. Life, love, family, God, being holy, being sinful, and how precious the hand of future juggle them.I seen some people last night that reminded of some times I really enjoyed. They greeted someone expecting the familar persona. But, unknowinly they was hugging a stranger. I really enjoy who those people are. They live with such joy. Even through trials and crisis, they are peaceful in thought. They are wholesome.Are you wholesome? Am I? Can't really legitimatly determine due to a servere self bias, usually, a critial bias.I am the core issue.Father, I'm sorry.Time to forgive myself. For, I'm already forgiven.