To Those Whom Find

In a recent book Velvet Elvis, Rob Bell states: "Christian is a great noun and a poor adjective." Interestingly, there is an astonishing amount of merit to this very quote. The language associated with Christianity largely has connotations of negativity and discord. With that, there is a paradox because much of what the Christian language offers is: "peace", "love", "faith" and "trust". On the other hand, there so much language in opposition of the Christian faith that in fact states the very opposite: "aggressive", "judgmental", "hypocritical", and "narrow-minded".
I am a seeker. I'm looking to bridge the gap between this paradox. I'm clearly seeing the issue and hope to bring some intellect to the matter as it pertains to the solution. I was not raised in church. I was not brought up with the ideals that formulated the American-cultured Judeo-Christian belief system that is prominent in America, the epicenter being the south. My father was Mormon, at least he claimed so. My mother had no part in church. This oddly gives me an advantage. The edge that brings me to the place I am now is that as I matured I developed a nature of questioning. So, as I sought out tireless answers: "Is there a God?", "What about the Eskimos?", "What makes this real?" I began to realize more and more people are mindlessly engulfed their parent's faith. They are completely indulged into something that is not their own. With such a clamor I could not turn back knowing I see their issue. With no real climatic event or apex of resolution I subtly crawled into this seeker ideology.
Seeker: I use this term for the notations of pursuit. I like the implications of this word and its multiple uses in language -to find, to bring knowledge, to catch- I'm actively looking for a deeper knowledge with humility. Because I'm not a typical Christian that declares a devotion to their denomination, and votes strictly republican who sees the good in bad people and the bad in so call "good." I'm looked down upon, which ironically validates my awareness towards the dissention.
I was drinking a beer the other night at my friend's apartment. While there, we were telling jokes and cutting up. Generally enjoying each others company. Briefly, I walked out side to get some crisp air from the night as I noticed one of my co-workers come in from work and walk towards their apartment, which was in the same building as the one I was. I was excited! So, I called her over from the balcony, with my drink in hand, and said "Hey! You should hang out with us for a while!" Her response was as if she didn't hear me. So, with pseudo-ignorance, I walked out to meet her as she passed in the foyer. Then, she noticeably looked disturbed and I asked again if she wanted to socialize. She quickly declined and walked on. The next day, at work, she told me she was disappointed in me. My immediate thought was: "To what standard holds her disappointment in me?" She went on to explain that she read my blogs about God, and "righteousness" and thought that I was a "different person" than what she had seen the previous night. Her language in the first approach to me was corrective, demeaning and cold. She had in ignorance presumed me as vile and wicked because I had been seen in a social setting, as a young person, with a beer. She had thought that I was a "sinner" and that I was "wrong." In my response I tried to inform her she was jumping to conclusions. She had immediate judgment and placed me with an absolute masquerade. The common, dogmatic, one way or the other, you are "right", or you are "wrong" with no gray area. She claimed I was a "hypocrite" and I was "wrong". With that, another co-worker jumped in and said without prompt or invitation said that: "The biggest hypocrites are the ones who use the word loosely." The fact of the matter is, the language associated with faith, personal morality, and judgment is very sensitive and can be used to lift or demoralize. In actuality I was drinking. I drink for two reasons. One, to make a point to the people of faith that you're able to do it in moderation, I see it as a slight combative to the ignorance stating that you cannot drink and that it's "sin". Two, I drink because I'm 21 and I've never drank before outside of sips from my mothers beer and efforts from my sister. Other than that I've never really touched alcohol. I've still never been drunk. I honestly am extroverted enough to have enough fun without the alcohol.
C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolken are two of the most famed Christian authors of our day. They also were good friends. Both of which lived in England and would frequent the pubs. As one friend to another they could criticize each others works as writers and enjoy each others company. These two men are two large authorities on interpreting the morality of a Christian; you see these two enjoying each other company in what the world would call today as: "unholy", "impure", "iniquitous". The interpretations of these representations negatively have one sect of our culture label them wrong, while the others see it as honest. That being said, it brings out the public confusion and dissention among Christians, so that, we're also labeled as "confused", "disconnected", "divisive". In this respect, the only way it unites us is by the fact that we all have divisions.
As a seeker I cannot let myself fall into the small minded way of ethics, that there is a legalistic and pharisaical "law", "code", and "policy" that sets out for our salvation and reputation. I focus more towards the truth without influence from culture, from region, from preacher or denomination. I'm one of, from what I can see, very few, but hopefully a growing number of people that don't accept things mindlessly. I've been able to be more down to earth with people who are not Christians. They call me "real", I've also been called "true". Funny, how I'm many times I'm rejected by the religious establishment and accepted by the vile. It's amazing, I recall before being scolded in church for wearing shorts. I've been corrected in church by baptizing someone before, but not dunking them all the way. Why? What makes these things so essential to the core of what the Christian faith supposed to be: Love God, love neighbor? It has since become more about politics and social status. For example: If you were to try and get some Christians together for a rally if you said –"Let's feed the homeless!" It would be much less anticipated than would – "Let's fight stem-cell research!" This example is central to the ideas of many Christians today. We (I mean them) are known for what they defy: Abortion, Same-sex unions, Casinos. On the other hand, there is what we are known for our support of, which is what? Republicans? Border control? Astonishing implications from these examples relay the truth of the matter, the language of the heart.
There are then, people like me again accused, I was once called "gay" for saying homosexuals are not hell bound by lifestyle. Again, this goes back to the language that is typically used by people, society and general public outside of the Christian faith to describe Christians: "judgmental", "close-minded", "unintelligent". As my position I'm able to see the merit in this language. The position between complete liberalism, and solid conservatism, simply seeing the view for what they are, I'm a realist. Being in the position I'm in allows me to be more honest and viable concerning this apprehension. I'm seeing languages from both perspectives and language that is also directed towards me and people alike.
Maybe one day we'll see the shift in culture and an accurate description in language from the media, the writers, the internet and ultimately from ourselves. Hopefully on that day we'll be known from how we acted in favor for something instead, the controversial opposition stance that is typical. Hopefully, one day, I'll be looked at as something with valid points and thorough thought. But, as the case is today, language refers to me as a "hypocrite", "lost", "confused". In this there are two groups represented: One, seekers; Two, Christians. How people see these things from the outside looking in are painful, honest and largely disregarded. This becomes apparent to me because of people like Mark Twain who states: "If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be -- a Christian."
Horace Minor writes an eloquent piece putting the American culture into words and phrases that make them seem differently. He played with words and got his desired outcome from his readers. Like preachers and pews, like businessmen and clients, like professors and students, and like parents with their children. The language we use has dangerous control and direction of our lives. Some choose it for good, others for bad. Regardless, at the end of the day you're always thinking of things people said to you. Always thinking and wrestling with the words they used. Being a seeker, being a Christian and trying to find the balance with what is truth and appropriate is a going to put me in a place uncomfortable. This is a fulcrum, this is what it means to try and bridge the gap.